A Little zanie-ness

Wow!

2010-09-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time! Guess I'd better weigh in here, just at a later time. So much is new and so much is the same. Contradictory, sure, but still accurate.

Will post more later.

NaBloPoMo

2008-11-01T07:36:00.001-07:00

Today is the first day of NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month, where you're supposed to post to your blog every day. I tried this last year and failed miserably. This year I expect will be a bit more interesting.

I'm looking at hip replacement surgery on the 25th. I'm scared to death, for several reasons, primarily because I'm afraid of the inevitable pain, secondary is what if he screws it up? I'll never be able to walk without pain again. BUT I can't walk without pain anyway and if I go any longer without the surgery, I won't be able to walk at all. Yeahhh...not really option in my book.

Also, I'm facing a lay-off at work. Wheeeeeee!!! Now that's exciting! Can we live on one income, yes. Can we live like we have been on one income? Uh...NO! Can we buy a house on one income? Not the type of house that we should have. Sure, we can afford 1000 square feet on a 4000 square foot lot. Not really an option for us. It doesn't help that we live in an unbelievably expensive area.

I expect that most of my posts this month will be about one of these two topics. Sorry, not exactly titillating but it's my life.

2008-10-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

The Omnivore's 100

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.

2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.

3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating. I've put my NEVER EVER EVER items in red and I've Italicized what I haven't eaten yet but REALLY want to try.

4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

I got 50. How about you?

1. Venison (I was tricked into eating this but realized it was really good.)
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros (Yummy for breakfast!)
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue (I could live on this stuff!)
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari (Best served with garlic mayo!)
12. Pho (Divine for lunch!)
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras (who knew I'd like this???)
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters (Again, who knew?)
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas (there was a time I was addicted to these little bastards!)
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl (Is there any other way to eat chowder?)
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O (Fastest, tastiest way to get your drunk on.)
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk (GAG!)
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut (Divine when warm, Meh when cold)
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini (I like my martini like I like my men - FILTHY!)
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine (Didn't know what poutine was until recently and realized I'd been eating poutine for years!)
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs (LOVED these as a kid.)
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict (Food of the Mother's Day gods!)
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam (Who doesn't like Spam?)
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

Pimpage

2008-10-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

So I was over at Rude Cactus and told us to promote our blogs. I thought it was a great idea and did so and now think I'd better get an update that is NOT a meme on here. Memes are the easy way to update and yet I can't even manage to do that on a regular basis. Just sad.

I'm gearing up for my hip replacement surgery next month (I hope it's next month.) The arthritis is so bad I can barely walk and the surgeon thinks a replacement for both hips is the way to go. Actually, TWO surgeons feel the same way. I am scared about it but at the same time relieved because it means I'll get my life back. Shoot, I might even be able to walk through the mall again some day!

To get things in order for six weeks of recovery, I have 1000 things to do at work, I have to find a walker, a rental hospital bed, a toilet seat lift, a long-handled shoe horn, a sock putter oner thingy, someone who can come help me for the entire time, lose 100 lbs, cook enough meals for an entire month…Oh dear God, there is so much to do!!

And there are things I cannot do until after the date is scheduled. The hold-up is the surgeon’s office. They needed clearance from my PCP and then the anesthesiologist and the surgeon have to review it. Once they approve my surgery, THEN I can schedule. At this rate, it won’t be until December for surgery. Won’t THAT be a great Christmas season?!

Gosh, this has turned out to be soooo exhilarating. Aren’t you glad I decided to update?

Any suggestions on what I should make to put in my freezer? *crickets chirping* Hmmm, that’s right, nobody reads this blog, so basically I’m talking to myself! Okay, so I think I’ll freeze meatloaf, spaghetti sauce, lasagna, chili, salisbury steaks, and some swiss steak. At least that’s what I’ve come up with so far. I have to be careful about what I prepare because my sister has some gall bladder issues and she has to be careful about what she eats otherwise she’ll have an attack and then I’ll end up taking care of HER while she’s here taking care of me. That would be LOADS of fun.

To wrap things up – a meme!!!

1. 5 of your favorite kinds of candy.
Reese’s, Anything Godiva related, orange flavored Tootsie Pops, Sweet Tarts, Zotz

2. 5 of your least favorite kinds of candy.
Blackjacks, Maryjanes, regular Tootsie Rolls…hmmm, that’s all I can come up with

3. 5 things you plan to do for halloween.
Pass out candy, get the girls dressed up, host a chili cook-off, eat WAY too much chili, indulge in some hot apple cider

4. 5 things you’ve dressed up as in the past.
A robot, Rubic’s Cube, Jaws, an angel, a 50’s teeny-bopper

5. 5 things someone you know has dressed up as in the past, (they can be kids, relatives, friends, etc.)
a knight, a ladybug, a witch, a pregnant woman, someone who just got out of bed.
Happy halloween! Enjoy the rest of your day, and your week

Meme - so sue me, they're easy!

2008-08-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

Attached or single? So very attached

Best friend? My darling Hubby

Cake or Pie? MMMMM...cake!

Day of Choice? Saturday

Essential Item? Eyeliner

Favorite color? Purple or red

Gummy bears or worms? Sour worms

Hometown? Centreville, MI

Indulgence? philosophy products and perfume

January or July? July

Kids? Seven ages 26, 23, 21, 20, 17, 6 and 4

Life isn't complete...without laughter and good wine

Marriage Date? May 31, 1997

Number of Brothers and Sisters? Two brothers, 36 and 34; Four sisters, 39, 23, 18, 16, 12

Oranges or Apples? Cuties clementine oranges

Phobias? Public speaking

Quote? Dance as if no one is watching, Sing as if no one is listening, Love like you've never been hurt before

Reasons to Smile? My husband, my kids, weight loss

Season of Choice? Fall, I love jeans and sweaters; leaves falling; cuddling up in a blanket.

Unknown Fact? I am very intelligent but lack self-confidence so I appear that I don't know what I'm doing or talking about.

Vegetable? All of them except eggplant and tomato

Worst habits? Surfing the net and leaving my clothes on the floor

XRay or Ultrasound? Ultrasound. I don't really like either unless for a medical necessity.

Your favorite food? High fat food - Mom's lasagna Healthy stuff - whole wheat bread

Zodiac sign? Leo

The Meme of Us

2008-02-18T09:52:00.000-08:00

Got this from Zoot and thought it would be neat to do. G and I have been VERY close lately and this is sort of a "tribute" if you will, to us.

The Meme of Us

How long have you been together? Let’s see…we met online in July 1996. We got married in May 1997. From the day we first met, 11 ½ years.

How long did you date? 10 excruciatingly long months of long distance dating and sky-high phone bills.

How old is he? A very young 51. He even got carded the other day.

Who eats more? I think he does but I am not certain. And besides, I don't think I would admit if it was me!

Who said ‘i love you’ first? I did but I was positive that the feelings were mutual before I said it.

Who is taller? I am.

Who is smarter? It depends. He’s extremely intelligent and has a couple of degrees, but I’m certainly no dummy either.

Who does the laundry? Mostly me, but he will do it on occasion, too.

Who does the dishes? 90% of the time, he does.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? If you’re standing at the foot of the bed facing it, I do.

Who pays the bills? I do.

Who mows the lawn? He does, or the older kids. I used to love doing it but had a GIGANTIC breakout of hives last time I did it and have refrained for doing so since then.

Who cooks dinner? 90% of the time it’s me.

Who is more stubborn? In the traditional sense of the word, he is. But if I’m dead set on getting something, I will let him think he’s getting his way and then do it my way.

Who kissed who first? Um…I’m not sure. It was pretty mutual.

Who asked who out? We didn’t really start dating in the normal way. Okay, I did invite him to fly out and visit so I guess that would be me.

Who proposed? Him. Son and I flew out to Seattle to visit and went out to an exquisite restaurant for dinner. Son fell asleep at the table so we finished our dinner and went home. Put Son to bed and was sitting on the couch while Hubby was getting wine and glasses. He set the glasses down, got down on one knee, opened the little drawer in the coffee table, pulled out the ring box and proposed. He said he was going to do it at the restaurant so Son could be a part of it but the little shaver fell asleep so he waited until we got home.

Who is more sensitive? Hmmm…we are both EXTREMELY sensitive. The difference lies in how we deal with it. I wear my heart on my sleeve and you can tell immediately that I am wounded. He is more of a slow burn and shoves it away for later. You can’t tell you’ve hurt him for a little bit. I am also quick to forgive and move on where he is happy to hold his anger.

Who has more friends? I do.

2008-02-13T12:41:00.000-08:00

Putting it Out There
I am copying this from I Got Two Babe, who copied it from Swistle. It is a meme of sorts, but I think it is more like Anonymous Therapy. Just write a list of the things you wish you had said but didn't. No backstory or names needed.

1. I should have NEVER EVER told you. We would have been fine on our own.

2. I wish you hadn't been there when I found out. I didn't get a chance to process before you decided we had to tell the whole damn family.

3. I'm so sorry that happened between us. Part of the reason I am so fat is because I don't feel worthy of a happy life because of this. I know I've apologized before but I don't think you underdstand the depth of my remorse.

4. I was in a vulnerable spot and you played me like a violin. I worshiped you and believed you when you said you loved me. You just like the stroke it gave your ego!

5. I wish I'd had the guts to pick up that dead snake and shove it in your face.

6. Yes, I know you had MANY MANY affairs. We were young, we weren't stupid.

7. And yes, I know you had an affair, too. Do you really think I believed you were in counseling?

8. I'm sorry I wasn't there to take care of you. You gave me so much and taught me everything I needed to know in life. If I had the ability to do it all again, I would have dropped everything to be there for you.

9. Many of my beliefs about men were formed from my relationship with you. Thank you for being that kind of man.

10. I know you weren't perfect when you were younger but you were perfect in my eyes; both of you.

11. I refuse to allow you to walk all over me. It's how I was raised but not how I live my life anymore.

12. We were close friends but things have changed. I don't want to be your friend anymore. You aren't good for me or my self esteem. You were there when I needed you to be but I have grown and am moving on.

13. You made my marriage a living HELL for 8 years. I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am that you aren't part of my life anymore.

14. All I wanted was another serving of lasagna. You couldn't even do that for me? They call it bedrest for a reason and this one involved the possible death of me and the baby!

15. I am not a booty call. If you can't respect me as a woman/partner, we're through.

16. I know you're still battling those demons, no matter how affronted you act when I tell you to stop.

17. I was a child and I worshipped you. You both are responsible for so many bad things that have happened in my life. I have moved on, but you need to be adults and take responsibility for your actions.

Gosh, I could go on forever with this but need to be done. I may revisit this again.

Exhausted!

2007-11-06T09:25:00.000-08:00

Oh dear God in Heaven! G had better hurry home! I cannot sleep without him in the bed. I tossed and turned all night long! I was awake every hour and it seemed like just when I fell asleep, I would roll over and toss my arm toward where he is supposed to be and jolt awake because he wasn’t there.

The good part of that is that I woke up at about 6:45 and in a total panic because my alarm was supposed to go off. Nope. Apparently when I shut G’s alarm off last night, it shut mine off as well. Stupid clock radio/ipod docking station/impossible to operate thingy! We’ve had it for almost a year and apparently I still don’t know how to make it work.

On the up side, the girls were really well behaved. After we got home from dinner, it was about 7:15. We had to haul the trash out to the curb for pickup today. Baby Girl helped with emptying the bathroom waste cans and I hauled it out to the curb. Then, Baby Girl had homework so she sat in the kitchen and did it while I logged on and updated my blog. Lil Sis got her jammies on and hauled her Dora chair into the office so she could sit by me.

Baby Girl finished her homework and got her jammies on, too. They both climbed into my big arm chair in the office and sat and “read” books and some of my cooking magazines for about an hour. They were on their way to bed when G called so they got to talk to Daddy for a few minutes and then went straight to bed with no issues whatsoever.

It makes it much easier to care for them when they aren’t being goobers. Baby Girl hasn’t been causing problems in school and seems to be evening out emotionally. I’m pleased for that but it isn’t going to last long as Biomom will be setting up visits here in the near future. Good thing Baby Girl’s counseling starts on Thursday.

Holy crap am I tired. Not sure how I’m going to function today but I think I should probably make a concerted effort.

p.s. The car still kicks ASS!

Business trips and more car awesome-ness

2007-11-05T20:13:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I know that heated seats are nothing new to the rest of the world but DAMN! are they ever awesome!!!!! I was looking for the rear window defrost button and pushed what I thought was the right button. Nope! Instantly my butt got warm and shortly thereafter the lumbar support toasted right up. I had no idea what I was missing but man am I going to miss this car when we have to return it!

I'm still amazed by the sheer power that this thing has, although it's pretty moot when you can't go any faster than 35 on the fliggin' freeway. Maybe it's just knowing that I have the power that should be sufficient but boy I'd like to take this baby out and open it up without fear of a speeding ticket!

In other news, G is gone on his business trip until late Wednesday night. I had a menu planned out for the week, as I've been doing for the past month. Yeah...that went right out the window the second I realized that I was totally responsible for getting dinner for Baby Girl and Lil Sis and I. I decided that we would go out instead and we headed to Red Robin for tasty goodness and all the steak fries you can eat.

One thing that was kind of neat: I ordered a salad to share between the three of us. I think I got about two bites because Baby Girl and Lil Sis kept eating it. Yay! They wanted to eat salad rather than eat chicken fingers and fries or pepperoni pizza. Next time I'll get them a salad to split and get one of my own as well.

Seems the whole "eating good things" that we've been practicing has paid off!

Bummed: Not looking forward to sleeping alone for the next couple of nights. Not only is it lonely, but G also provides a good amount of body heat so I'll likely be cold all night long. Gotta haul out the extra blanket.

Pleased: I can watch whatever I want on TV AND control the remote!

Whew!

2007-11-04T14:15:00.000-08:00

Okay, good news! G got me a car. And holy crap did he EVER! It's a 2008 Impala SS. The damn car has a V-8 in it! I went from 0 to 60 in about 3 seconds on the freeway on-ramp! It's fantastic! And you know how cars with big engines have that rumble in them? Yeah, it's just that awesome!

Sunday Crazy

2007-11-04T11:25:00.000-08:00

Ahhhhhh! We're running full tilt around here. Ravioli's birthday was on Halloween and we're celebrating today. So we have 3 of the 4 adult kids coming for dinner at 1:00 and we can't find the veal shanks we need to make osso bucco. I'm disappointed but am pleased that we'll get to have the lamb dinner that I wanted to have anyway.

That's only part of the crunch. The transmission dropped in my Acura and G is getting ready to leave on a business trip. That's okay except that I can't use his little truck to get the girls to daycare and then me to work. There's not enough room for two car seats and one large woman. Not gonna work.

So...we're running trying to get a rental car, get all of the ingredients for the lamb dinner and get things ready.

Gah!

!@#$%^& Car

2007-11-04T08:12:00.000-08:00

Well, the transmission is officially out of the car. The money we'll have to spend to fix this to runnable condition will eat up the downpayment for my new car that we're supposed to buy next month.

PISSED!!!!

Halloween Overdrive

2007-11-02T08:07:00.000-07:00

Boy, I sure do wish people would give healthier treats. Both little girls got full-sized candy bars in their buckets this year. Tootsie Rolls and Butterfingers and Baby Ruths. One house even gave them mini cans of Jones Soda.

It has all been removed from their possession because apparently 4-year old + candy=sneaky, lying child. Yuck. Twice in the span of an hour, Lil Sis lied about the candy she had eaten or was trying to eat. Not a very good scenario. Besides, a little girl this tiny doesn't need candy. We need to pack as much nutrition into her as possible. Candy fills up that spot where the good stuff should be.

Baby Girl is a little more well-behaved over the whole candy issue, but will sneak and lie about it too. It's just terrible!

I know, I know, kids LOVE candy and act the fool over it, but this just seems to go to a different level. Before Lil Sis came to us, she subsisted mainly on candy and junk. BioMom thought nothing of dropping $20 on candy bars and gum several times a week, hence the reason Lil Sis is such a fiend.

I wonder if anyone will notice if I eat all their good stuff...

NaBloPoMo

2007-11-01T07:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I was going to do NaNoWriMo this year but can't even manage to find quite time to READ a book, let alone write one, so I thought this might be a good alternative. We'll see how well this turns out.

Work has been really crappy lately. Word of advice: don't become best friends with your supervisor. It makes for a really hard, awkward situation if some sort of disciplinary action is needed, and I don't mean a weeks suspension or anything like that. It also makes it hard when you need your friend in the middle of the day. It's not like you can sneak a call to her without your boss knowing because she IS the boss.

I've been pondering how to disengage because this friendship just isn't working for me. A friend is someone that you can feel good about, that lifts you up, that will listen to you as much as you listen to her. That's just not working for us anymore. I don't want to do things with her, I don't want to invite them over for dinner or go out to brunch with them, I don't want to be around her.

We are still very similar but we've grown in two different directions. I don't want to go in her direction. I am happy going in the direction I have now taken. It makes me sad.

Wow!

2007-09-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted. I have intended to post regularly but life came at me so quickly this past year that I had to devote my time to bobbing and weaving to avoid the inevitable punches.

I am so tired lately. I love my girls but boy oh boy do I need an adult weekend. One where I am only me, not Nana. One where I only have to worry about what I am going to wear and what I am going to do. One where only I get the attention of G, without little ones pushing their way into our embrace.

I need to have G know that I am tired of coming last. The other night we were cuddling on the couch and Baby Girl came in. He immediately called her over and wanted to include her in the hug. Not a big deal except that there is never Z & G time anymore. I think he forgot that I am still a woman with needs and wants or that he needs to give me attention.

I have told him point blank that I need these things but it seems to fall on deaf ears. I think he feels that I'm being demanding. In a way, I AM being demanding. I demand to be treated as your wife, not just the caretaker of your children.

Ah ha! that last sentence moved the energy. The only problem is how to convey this to him so he'll listen. THAT is the question of the day.

Rage!

2006-11-04T08:10:00.000-08:00

I’m just going to sit here and type today because I don't know what direction this will take. The words are pressing to get out and I couldn't find a pen to put it in my journal. This medium is my second choice but seems to be the most expedient delivery system.

I have been going through my affirmation cards and the cards on forgiveness of our families and moving past old hurts are really striking chords with me today, although not the chords that were meant to be struck. Today, the little girl is PISSED! She is stomping her foot and yelling and being truculent. She doesn’t want to move past the hurts, dammit! She wants someone to be accountable for the bullshit in her childhood. She wants her parents to step up and BE her parents. So they, themselves were victims of their childhood, SO THE FUCK WHAT! Grow up, stop hitting your children, and move the fuck on! I have to grow up and be an adult and accept that the damage caused is not mine to perpetuate, why don’t they?

I don’t want to be accepting and loving. I don’t want to look at my parents as children that need to be healed. I want to rage against them. I want to throw things at them. I want to tell them that they’re assholes and that by hitting us (or allowing us to be hit) or denigrating us or teasing us, they have created HUGE, DEEP, THICK wounds that have turned keloid.

As usual, just typing that has moved me beyond to where I can think clearly. I may continue to write, but I don’t want it to be forced.

In a perfect world, I would be able to look back, pity them and their situations, and forgive. Hell, in a perfect world, I wouldn’t have to do that because I wouldn’t be this damaged adult trying to protect and hide the little girl inside.

I resent that I have to wrestle with this. I resent that I have to deal with this at 37 years of age. I am hurt; so hurt that words cannot express it. The kind of hurt that builds pressure in your chest until you think you will explode with it.

I am tired of fighting this fight.

Moving in the right direction, Day 6

2006-10-29T21:00:00.000-08:00

So, I thought I was on a roll with posting and journaling but one rotten day threw me off. Since then things have gotten better at work. M and I talked things through more and everything is okay between D and I as well.

I have discovered that I am working my butt off at the office and yet I love my job! The harder I work, the more I like it. Is it because I am working for my friend? I’m sure that’s part of it, but I loved it before M and I became close. My guess is that I am getting the recognition that I have deserved for a long time. Even the mayor is impressed with my work and tells me so. That goes a long way for me! And it seems to have moved beyond the whole “I need someone to tell me how great I am.” at least to degree. I mean, at first it was a huge ego boost to be told how smart/intelligent/vastly underutilized I had obviously been, and it still is, but eventually I started to believe it and now work at that level every day. I believe the psychological term for that is self-fulfilling prophecy. Whatever it’s called, I have decided to embrace it whole-heartedly.

I just purchased two sets of affirmation cards from Louise Hay on Amazon.com. I’m going to get some plain frames from Ikea and hang them in individual frames and make a montage on the wall in MY office (G can have space here but this is MY room.) They will hang there and remind me on a daily basis to nurture myself and take care of myself and tell myself good things. I will have a lovely round mirror hanging opposite the montage to reflect the positive thoughts. I also went to Crystal Voyage by Freighthouse Square and purchased a “Wise Woman” statue. She is standing with her arms circled over her head and has the tree of life on her gown/body. It is beautiful and EXACTLY what I was looking for in my room. Now the hard part has to happen: moving the furniture and painting the wall. Still haven’t gotten the paint yet but have definitely decided on a color: thistle.

Went to a FABULOUS restaurant yesterday, Il Fiasco on 6th Avenue. Had a delicious meal of Duck breast with black currant glaze served with roasted chestnut ravioli. It was a bit of a stretch for me as I like to kind of stay toward the things that I know I like, but the duck was to die for and the ravioli was sublime! We finished dinner off with a chocolate roulade; a thin chocolate cake with a chocolate cream/black currant filling, rolled up jelly roll-style. It was heavenly and I wasn’t stuffed. Always a nice feeling after a great dinner.

Mmmm…dinner is in the oven. Roasted chicken with baby red potatoes and cauliflower. Should be another one of G’s divine meals!

Day 3 a.k.a. Major suckage galore

2006-10-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

Started out with a low grade headache. Got to work and didn't really want to be there at all, but I persevered. I noticed that M had a list of "missing" permit numbers on her whiteboard. I copied them down and was going to look up the list when D, the permit tech, saw what I had and promptly took the list from me. He wanted to do it himself. He was instantly in an uproar and nothing I could say would coerce him to just let me do what I was going to do.

M got to work and brought me a latte - YUM! - which I managed to have a single drink of before dumping it into my keyboard, drowning my mouse, and flooding the floor with it, splattering my purse as well. (note to self: get leather cleaner) I spent an hour and a half trying to clean up a grande latte and salvage my keyboard and mouse, to no avail, and cleaning the floor mat under my chair, wipe out my one and only drawer, and my purse. It was great. :-(

M wanted to meet with D and I to let us know she wanted a system in place to alleviate missing permit numbers. D went off like a rocket and started carrying on about how he knew where everything was and how nothing was missing because he knew where things were, etc.

To my ears he then started throwing me under the bus saying I was the reason there were errors and duplicate numbers and inaccurate reports. I started getting upset and kept my tongue, for the most part. When he started martyring himself, I spoke up and said that I was the one that had copied down the number so I could do the work myself. M told D to stop with his defensiveness, told me to stop playing the victim (which infuriated me because that was not at all what I was doing) and told us what had to be done, period. The meeting ended and D went one way, I went the other and M closed her door.

D said, "Amy, I don't know what I said to upset you so much but I'm sorry." I told him I didn't want to talk about it at that time and walked away.

I left for a few minutes (it was at the end of the lunch hour) and when I got back D was in M's office with her, venting. After he was done, I went in and talked to her. I told her I wasn't playing vicitm, just trying to tell him I wasn't expecting him to do the work, that I would gladly do so, and he had no reason to be so upset. She said I sounded like a 4 yr old when I said it, very victim-like, as did D when he was talking about his things. I didn't realize I sounded like that and apologized to her for the drama.

I also apologized to D for it as well.

I felt like he was telling me I wasn't good enough. he was more than happy to point out the errors I had made and allow M to think it was me who made the majority of them.

My blood pressure was through the roof. Not a good thing as then I couldn't work for the rest of the afternoon, well, at least not effectively.

Heartache, headache, nausea a.k.a. Day 2

2006-10-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

I don't feel good. I didn't go to work. I don't want to do anything other than sleep but I know it will make my head feel worse. I have been awake off and on since 3:30 this morning. I am exhausted. I have tons of stuff to do at work and I should be there.

I had a sausage croissant this morning for breakfast. it is now sitting in my stomach like a greasy rock, threatening to revisit me. So why do I want another? Probably because G and I are going 'round and 'round again. Let's see if I can sum this up without too many details: M is my boss and we are also very good friends. I make a very concerted effort to be an employee during the work day and not spend time talking and etc. After 5, M and I sit and talk like friends do. Last evening we talked about books, bikes, kids, airplane tickets for Wee G, and her brother in law that told his 18 yr old girlfriend to get an abortion if she wanted to stay with him.

We have been doing this for several weeks. G usually calls to see when I'm coming home. He said he tried to call the office last night and I didn't answer his call. He tried my cell and I didn't hear it ring because it was in my purse under my desk. This apparently hugely tweaked the whole distrust thing because he is now just barely civil to me, even after apologies and promises to call and let him know when I will be home and what I'm doing.

I know he's revisiting last November and I can't blame him for feeling that way but the cold-shoulder is very frustrating. I called him at work this a.m. to let him know I was staying home and it was all he could do to grunt a reply. I will not tip-toe around. I have apologized for being inconsiderate, I made a great dinner, and I've reassured him that I love him. I cannot do anything more. I am a human and I make mistakes.

The problem is that I enjoy having M as a friend but she is very much like me: on the weekends, her time belongs to her family and honestly, I feel like I'm intruding if I call and talk to her or ask her to do something. That limits the time we can spend doing friend-type things. Truthfully, I don't think G understands what a close friendship is like and he is jealous of the time I spend with M. I don't know. I just know I'm getting spanked for spending time with a friend. No, that's not true. I'm getting spanked because I repeatedly spent time with M after work and didn't let G know when I would be home.

Either way, I am tired of thinking about it. I'm going back to bed.

Day 1 of the rest of my life

2006-10-24T12:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, with the help of my counselor, I’ve decided to make this space my place to keep track of what I eat and when, as well as my exercise and methods to find my true self. Since my only viewing audience is my counselor (Hi Kathy!) I’ll not try so hard to bring on the funny, but rather to write from a place of integrity. If I feel funny, I’ll be funny and if I feel sad, I’ll be sad.

So, the morning started off with an inauspicious breakfast: a piece of chocolate cake with bittersweet chocolate ganache “icing”. Not the healthiest breakfast, by any stretch of the definition. Now I’m drinking a mug of French vanilla hot chocolate. I should probably eat a cheese stick to even out the carbs with some protein and a little fat so I don’t end up scattered and spacey from too much sugar. I brought an apple as well but I think I’ll have that with lunch.

I can’t wait for lunch as I brought a salad I got at Trader Joes. It’s on a bed of greens and has walnuts, red peppers, and a leaf of endive filled with herbed goat cheese with vinaigrette dressing. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. Maybe instead of thinking about it, I should focus on working. Nah…

After the 14 mile ride on Sunday, my butt bones are finally recovering. I’m struggling to move today but the Advil hasn’t kicked in yet. I would like to ride again today but I’m not so keen on the hills in our neighborhood and really, by the time we get home, it’s almost dark. I’m all about exercising but I’m not really keen on being a moving target in the dark. Maybe I can get Gman to move the treadmill so I can use that. He said he would if I promised to walk on it. I promised but it hasn’t moved.

Hmmm…it’s Tuesday. I wonder if the surplus store got any laptops in…

Later...

So I'm eating the salad and while it's not as good as I had hoped, it is pretty good. The goat cheese is a little too strong for my taste. I will eat it because that's about all I have to eat for lunch today, but I don't think I'll buy it again. I'll have my cheese stick and my apple and call it good.

I think for dinner I'll make the Buca di Beppo Lemon Chicken. It looks easy and I bet it would be tasty over a bed of angel hair pasta. Maybe some sort of veggie other than salad would be good, too. I'm rather saladed out. We've had it for three days now and as much as I like the champagne dressing with the honey glazed almonds, I'm tired of it. Maybe some green beans with toasted slivered almonds....mmmmm that's the plan.

Maybe I should walk on my lunch hour. I just don't want to work up a sweat during that hour and then have to come back to work and be all sweaty and possibly stinky. Not a good look for me. Maybe M would want to walk with me. I bet she would because she's a big cheerleader for me. I'll ask her this afternoon when she gets back from her meeting.

I cannot decide on a paint color for my room. G bought me a computer program where you can upload a picture of the room you want to paint and "test" the paint colors in there. I thought I had decided on a color until he brought that home. Now, I have to decide from about 12 different colors that I really like ranging in hue from Burnt Plum to a pretty shade of purple. I want to go with purple but I'm really partial to burgandys and plums. I just think if I don't go with the purple, I will regret it because when will I have another opportunity to paint a room that color? I do want to get it in gear though because I want to get it done and have my own space. How fun would that be??! I have a lamp picked out and I'm searching for other things to accessorize. I want to go with purples and reds and other jewel tones. Well, I guess that decides the paint color, doesn't it...

Quote of the Day

2006-03-08T08:56:00.000-08:00

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
Aesop

This is so true, but why is it that when someone is kind, on a repeated basis, they are treated so poorly? Why do people view them as doormats to be walked on?

I am at the point where I don't want to help anymore because of the way people view me. I am tired of being used and abused. It is time to take care of me.

And surprise! People are resisting that effort. They are so used to me taking care of everyone else that the concept of me taking care of me is foreign.

Bottom line: I am tired. I hurt. I need to take care of me in order to be a better mother, wife, and person in general. I have taken steps to take care of me and it has not been an easy task. I have had to claw my way out of there. Yes, I know it sounds melodramatic but when someone fights you on every step, it feels like clawing.

I hope this process gets easier but somehow, I don't see that happening.

Best Refs Pittsburgh's Money can buy!

2006-02-07T14:30:00.000-08:00

Okay, you may say "sour grapes" because I'm a Hawk's fan and they didn't win, but COME ON! If the same plays that were called against Seattle were called against Pittsburgh, Seattle would have been the victor in the Superbowl. I mean really...

Best Blonde Joke EVER!!!

2006-01-05T12:34:00.000-08:00

You HAVE to check out this blonde joke! It's the BEST!!!

SNOW!

2005-12-02T08:14:00.000-08:00

Got over 2" of snow last night! Wee G was out playing in it by 6:15 a.m. Funny how he can't get out of bed for school but has no trouble getting up to play in the snow. I guess he has his priorities in order :-)

Baby Girl and Lil Sis are at daycare but Baby Girl was NOT happy that she didn't get to go out and play in the snow too. I told her we would build a snowman when we got home, IF there was any snow left. That seemed to placate her for the moment.

I was hoping the snow fairy would REALLY bless the freeway so I couldn't get into work...no such luck. Drove 65 mph all the way into town. Blah. I wanted to stay home. It's one of those stay-at-home-curled-up-in-a-blanket-with-a-mug-of-cocoa-and-a-good-book kind of days. But no! I'm now having one of those sit-at-my-desk-freezing-my-ass-off.

Reasons Why I Love My Husband

2005-08-17T15:25:00.000-07:00

I’ve been noticing small things that G-man has been doing lately that just prove how much he really does love me.

1. He deadbolts the door when he leaves, even if he knows that I will be leaving shortly behind him. (This has been discussed by Beth. Check her out!)
2. On the calendar, he wrote “My honey’s birthday” on my day.
3. He bought the ingredients for a new drink that I had when we went out, because he knew I liked it.
4. He picks up my dirty clothes that I leave on the floor on occasion and rarely complains about it.
5. He tolerates my beast of a dog even though he’d rather drop kick him into next week.
6. He cooks over half the time.
7. He tolerates my social welfare project, a.k.a. TeenMom.
8. He is a neatnick and I am a slob but he tolerates my messiness – to a point.
9. He lets me take the good car because it's safer, even though he would much rather have it because it has a kick-ass stereo in it.
10. He always moves out of the brand new recliner when I come in to sit down because he knows the couches make my back hurt.
11. He helps with the little girls and rarely complains about it.

I could keep going but I think you get my point. I love him and I am so proud to be his wife. Thanks for 8 great years, Baby!

So now I should use it!

2005-08-16T14:52:00.000-07:00

Now that Zoot has given me such a beautiful skin for my blog, I guess I should really use it and update more than once every six months! I've been trying to come up with something incredibly witty and fun to talk about but I just can't seem to bring on the funny today. Guess I'm out of practice.

We went out with two sets of friends for my birthday on Saturday. We went to Buca di Beppo and had a B.L.A.S.T!!! There was food galore and free-flowing wine and friends with too much alcohol in their systems and birthday cakes that could have been mistaken for chocolate breasts and loudness and oh my gosh, it was GREAT!! We were totally obnoxious and we laughed so loud and got dirty looks from families sitting around us. I always wanted to be at one of those tables and now I know why.

Is there anything better than being with a bunch of friends who love you and accept you for the nut that you are, not to mention your husband who tolerates your mood swings and tantrums with very little complaint? So, if any of you are reading this, I love you, chicks and dudes!

Oh my god, cats, check this out!!!

2005-08-16T11:40:00.000-07:00

Look what Zoot did for me!!!! This is so incredible! I was hoping it would turn out nice but I had no idea it would be so completely awesome!!!

Replying to comments

2004-11-01T13:38:00.000-08:00

I just want all of you who comment (all 4 or 5 of you!) that I am currently working in figuring out how to reply to your reply if I don't already know your email address. Most of you, I know but for those of you that are kind enough to stop by and are new, I apologize for my silence to your comments.

I really am grateful you are here and reading.

10 things I hate...

2004-11-01T11:45:00.000-08:00

This post idea was shamelessly stolen from RockStarMommy. I changed it a little because I was feeling more in a hate mood than a fear mood. Without further ado:

Ten Things I Hate:

1. Christian that are big fat hypocrites! Please do not stand on your Bible and preach to me about my eternal soul when you are so obviously going to burn for cheating on your husband with a fellow choir member. Ever heard of the Ten Commandments? Look them up!

2. Bosses who don't appreciate anything their employees do. Guess what, Boss. While you were in Mexico, we busted our asses keeping this office together. You have no idea what teamwork it took to make sure stuff was done the way you would do it so you wouldn't chew us up when you got back. We should have saved ourselves the trouble as you not only did not thank us for the GREAT job we did, you thought it would be a good time to tell us all exactly what we did wrong. BLAH! Next time, be sure you thank us, you ungrateful so-and-so!

3. People that show up to their children's sporting events dressed like they're headed out shopping. Did you not notice that the grass is REALLY soft and those stiletto heels on your boots are NOT going to stop sinking into the grass? Pathetic. Who are you trying to impress?

4. Grocery store checkers who are rude and ungrateful. Okay, Alaya, I just spent $232.00 in your grocery store, the least you can do is thank me and give me a second to put away the receipt and move my cart before you offer up a HUGE sigh, jump up onto the belt and vault over my cart to go help some other checker who has made a mistake. Rude, bitchy, put upon, and just plain condescending attitudes are NOT the way to get me to come back to your store. I hope your manager talks to you about the phone call I made to him. I can shop a lot closer to home and I DON'T need to drive 5 miles to go to your store specifically.

5. Rainy, dull, dark evenings. Thank you daylight savings time.

6. Rude, bitchy drivers.

7. Judgmental bitches.

8. Idiots that break into my garage.

9. Jackasses that smash kids' pumpkins.

10. People who refuse to participate in Halloween because it has Pagan roots. Well, guess what! So does Christmas, kids! Before you boycott holidays, make sure you're not making a hypocrite out of yourself, again. *

*Disclaimer* I am a Christian. I attend church. I believe the Jesus is the Son of God and that His death and subsequent rebirth are real. I believe He is my one and only Savior. I am not anit-Christian, nor am I any sort of evil non-believer. Just know your facts before you start pushing your beliefs onto others.

No more floaters!

2004-10-29T13:28:00.000-07:00

Oh my! Has anyone heard about this? This is not a good thing for those of us that pay our bills or buy our groceries two days before payday! Are they trying to bankrupt me? Egads!

Musings of a Doula

2004-10-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

Today is an anniversary of sorts for me. Three years ago today my first doula baby was born after a LONG 36 hours of labor.

Maybe I’m sick, but I love the exhaustion that settles into my bones after I’ve been up all night with a laboring woman and she has delivered a healthy baby. There is nothing greater than watching that tiny head come down the birth canal and crown. There is nothing sweeter than the tears of complete joy as a woman’s baby is placed onto her belly and she gazes upon her child for the first time. And it doesn’t matter if this is her first baby or her tenth; the tears of joy are still there. And I bawl like a fool, too. I cry with her when a woman is struggling in labor. I cry with her when she reaches that emotional wall and she just can’t do one more contraction. I cry, and cry, and cry. At my first birth I gasped and then broke into sobs as a tiny, beautiful, perfect baby girl was delivered into the world.

As a doula you’re supposed to be professional and together and composed. Not this doula. This doula cries in the bathroom where nobody else can see that she is struggling to do her very best to help this struggling mother; this doula cries in the hall when doctors have scared her client so badly that she is succumbing to the pressures for pitocin only a few hours into her labor; this doula cries because she wants the perfect birth for every client, no matter what this woman’s definition of the perfect birth is; this doula cries as a perfect little being is born to her teenage mother and is sent home to repeat the cycle all over again; this doula cries because she cares.

Does it make me a bad doula? No, on the contrary. I think it makes me a better one. Would you rather have a cold clinical woman or someone whose heart bleeds too easily? If you need a doula, I’m your gal.

I will forever be linked to each and every baby I have been with from birth. I have contact with each and every parent and with some, like Baby Girl and Lil Sis, I have an unbreakable bond and never-ending love for them and their mom.

There are no words to describe how fulfilling this job is. My heart soars whenever I think of a delivery that I have witnessed and assisted with. The thought of a brand new life coming into the world is overwhelming sometimes and being invited to be there to witness this event is often more than I can handle.

My biggest frustration in my life? Not being able to be a practicing doula. I am a doula in spirit right now. I have to work in an office and wear suits and comply with the rules so I can pay the bills. My spirit yearns to break free, to soar, to help bring these little perfect lives into the world. But alas, it is not to be for me now.

But someday…

Happy Third Birthday Sophia! Thank you for making me a doula!

A promise broken

2004-10-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I swore I wouldn't post about work here but I have a co-worker that is driving me batty and I can't stand it any longer.

Normally S is a nice person. She's funny, she's smart, she works like crazy (much in contrast to my blogging career), and she's a riot to joke around with BUT (and this is a JLo sized but) she goes too far when she's joking around.

Take Tuesday for example. Another co-worker was asking about something that was written on the calendar. I had made a mistake, innocently and through no fault of my own, just following instructions given. She razzed me a bit and I laughed and started to walk away. Then? she started saying stuff like, "What, gotta go hide in your cubicle?" "Can't handle screwing something up?" "Gotta go pout?"

I stopped and looked at her like she'd lost her mind, shook my head and walked away. She didn't stop so I told her to shut the hell up or do the work her own damn self.

She didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. It was nice.

Yesterday she came to work and announced that she had training. Thursdays are our busiest days and everyone knows you don't take a training class on that day, but she did it anyway. All of us were ticked because we were already scrambling at the open of business. She huffed off to training and had the audacity to be mad because we were upset.

I'm not the only one she's bothering. I think the hardest thing is that we were a very cohesive and smooth running office until she came on board. Since then, things have just kind of gone downhill. I used to be close with all of my co-workers but just can't seem to buddy up with her. Maybe it's my resentment because I've been here 3 years and she strolled in 7 months ago and started out making more than I do. That's just not right.

She's gone today and we are having a ball, even though we are working hard today, (okay, except for the time I've spent on here and at Chris' and Zoot's site. ) We're ordering from the Old Spaghetti Factory right this second and I can't wait for lunch to arrive. Yummy!

I need a break!

2004-10-18T16:37:00.000-07:00

I need a break. I have had babies for almost two solid weeks. If they were my own children, that would be one thing, but they’re not. I love them to death and wish they were mine and if they were to come live with me full time, in the event their mother couldn’t take care of them anymore, I would embrace the task whole-heartedly and raise them as my own. But they’re not and I am tired. So tired that I am taking next weekend off.

Now, that wouldn’t be such a big deal except that I know they will get farmed out to whomever will watch them so TeenMom and Stoner Boyfriend can get their freak on or smoke a couple bowls or some such thing. It’s the whole farming them out to whoever is available to watch them that kills me. Who knows what kind of wack-a-do will be watching them?! At least when I’m watching them, she knows what kind of nut job I am!

So I am torn. I want to have them but I am exhausted. I need a break. I need to walk through my living room without tripping over the baby gate. I would like to sit at my dining room table and eat without a baby or toddler on my lap. I would like to sleep all frickin’ night! I would like to not have to wash bottles or pick raisins out of my couch and carpet. Cheerios will not be smashed into the chair cushions. There will be no snot on my shoulder from two runny little noses. No wet panties from missing the potty. No poopy diapers. No fighting over toys, no little shoes and socks to wrestle with…Dang I miss those little girls!

But I need a break. (Can you tell I’m trying to convince myself that a break is a good thing?)

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Tonight is Wee G’s Washington DC trip info night. I haven’t filled out the forms yet and I hope it’s not too lengthy because the meeting starts at 6:00. I get home from work at 5:30. That means we’ll have 15 minutes lag time between home from work and leaving again for the meeting. Add to that the fact that I have to find something to eat because I starving to death and then motivate Wee G to get his buns in the car and I have almost no time to fill out paperwork. Ugh. I’m looking at a nomination for Mother of the Year.

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And how cute is this dog? I want a dog so badly, but if I can’t handle two toddlers part-time, how in the world am I going to handle a puppy? Up at night to let her in and out, pooper-scooper for walks, babysitter when we go away. It’s like having another baby!

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Went to Target to get Halloween decorations. Okay, everything there is cute, but I just want some window clings and maybe some paper decorations to hang on my door. Why does everything have to be so complex? I just want some window clings, ALTHOUGH, I really like the witch’s hand that can crawl across the floor on its own. That was cool! It freaked Baby Girl and Lil Sis out so we didn’t buy it but I was laughing my butt off!

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I’ve decided to be Supermom for Halloween. That would entail a business suit with puke stain on the shoulder, a laptop bag, unbrushed morning hair, a run in my nylons, and a stunning red cape with the initials SM on it. Actually, I think that would be fun! Gotta find me a suit. What is everyone else going as?

Slacker Alert!

2004-10-14T13:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I always swore I wouldn’t be one of those people who never updated their blog. Alas, I am as lame as lame can be! It’s been over a week, 11 days to be exact, and I’ve finally decided to do something about this. Now? I find myself with a block that I can’t manage to hurdle. I’m just going to write as I feel moved.

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Last Tuesday I got a ticket for failing to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk. Okay, before you all jump on my shit, the kid wasn’t even IN the crosswalk. In fact, I thought he was standing at the school bus stop that is located less than 20 feet from the crosswalk. Gosh, is it any wonder why I was confused?!

The bitch of it all? The fine is $101.00!!!! Geez, I didn’t try and hit the kid, I just blew through the crosswalk at a mind boggling speed of 20 miles per hour! (possibly less because I knew the cop was sitting there clocking people, or so I thought. He was actually watching for idiots who blow through crosswalks in school zones.) Just for the record, this type of police activity is called a "duck pond" as in sitting ducks are easy to shoot.

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I've had both Baby Girl and Lil Sis at the house for the past week and a half. This would be okay if Lil Sis would sleep thorough the night like she used to. But no, there will be no complete nights of sleep in our household as long as Lil Sis is around!!

I've had both Baby Girl and Lil Sis at the house for the past week and a half. This would be okay if Lil Sis would sleep thorough the night like she used to. But no, there will be no complete nights of sleep in our household as long as Lil Sis is around!! Fortunately TeenMom isn’t working that schedule anymore and the girls are back with her full time. I’m too old to sleep sitting up in the recliner holding a 1 yr old because she doesn’t want to sleep in her bed.

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Have you seen the commercials for the show Big Loser? Why does this show bother me so much? Truthfully, I would qualify to be on that show, and, if given the chance, I would gladly go on there. But this show bothers me. I can’t pin-point why.
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Can I tell you how glad I am that I can’t get pregnant? Well, technically I can, but G-man would be on the phone to Dr. Snippy in a heartbeat to find out why the vasectomy didn’t take. I’ve had my baby and will gladly turn over the baby dust to someone who wants more babies. Don’t get me wrong, I love me a nice snuggly, quiet little baby to hold and rock and coo over, I just am too old to be pushing them from my body, getting up several times a night to take care of them, or cleaning up after. And there’s nothing better than assisting a woman who is laboring to bring her child into the world. I just don’t want it to be me.

For those of you that know me, this is a 180 degree turn-around from where I was as recently as a year ago. I would have done anything to have another baby. It’s kind of nice to not expend that kind of energy worrying and fretting about it. Now I’ll worry and fret about my brother and his wife who have used birth control like twice in 10 years and can’t seem to create a new life. THAT is what I’ll stress over from now on.

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I love my Coach purse, but the constant babysitting of the purse so it doesn’t get scratched or marred is wearing on me a bit. I even tossed it into the passenger seat the other day while struggling to get Lil Sis into her car seat. I felt GUILTY for tossing it. I find that sad. Hmmm...such is the price for lovely designer-type things.

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Alas, I must get back to work. I hate when work gets in the way of my blogging!

Blocked

2004-10-03T10:57:00.000-07:00

Ugh! Brain freeze. Writer's Block. Ennui. Hungover. Lazy. Exhausted. Blue (no, not smurf-like!)

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Wow! I'm sitting here staring out the window watching the fog roll by. (75 and sunny my ass!) Up at the top of a fir tree there is a huge spider web. As the fog rolls through, the droplets are catching on the web so I can see it as plainly as if it was right outside my window. I know there are several other large webs out there so I'm going to put this on hold and grab my camera as I am suddenly feeling photogenic.

Back now. Damn spider web! Couldn't get a good shot of it as the location in the top of the tree allows it to blend into the sky once I get outside. So, I stood on the back deck, in front of the office window and fired up the ole telephoto lens and took a couple of great shots, I hope.

While I was out there running around the wet grass in Gman's slippers and my nightgown, the neighbor came out of his house and was whistling and puttering around. I'm sure he thought I'd slipped my nut. Ah, screw it. I hope the pictures turn out.

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Went to Gman's 30 year class reunion last night. There was only 1 wife younger than I was. It was fun though to watch all these middle aged people (48/49 yr olds) reminiscing (why is there a c in that word? Bizarre!) about the days when they had hair and fast muscle cars. There were some guys there that looked ancient. Then there were some that looked younger than I do, and that is YOUNG.

PET PEEVE: Standing in a room of people I don't know and having to introduce myself because darling G wouldn't. Grrr. I know he was caught up in his whole reunion thing but more times than not I would have to say, "Hi I'm Zanie, G's wife."

I am so not the Queen of Small talk. In fact, I suck at it. That makes me a lonely person at a gathering where I don't know anyone.

Are you seeing a pattern here? I had a good time, but it was mostly because G was enjoying himself. Not the way I would have wanted to spend the evening but certainly not the worst way I've ever experienced either.

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So we're trying to get ready and get out of the house and be on time for this shin-ding last night. Shaggy and Wee G and Baby Girl were going to stay here and then Cruella was going to pick them all up to go hang out over at her house so Shaggy could go to church in the a.m. We're running late and I am trying to dry my hair so it looks at least a little nice. Baby Girl is wandering through the house. She hadn't felt good all day but seemed to be perking up so I didn't feel bad about leaving her with the boys. She wandered by me and I glanced at her. She looked subdued and a little funny but she can be quirky like that sometimes, especially if we're going out and she's not going with us. All of a sudden, Wee G comes running in yelling, "Mom, Baby Girl just puked on the carpet!!!" So, here I am in my best "I'm the hot young wife" outfit cleaning puke out of my berber carpet ( do I need to say that she had just consumed an entire 8 oz glass of grape juice?!), cleaning up a crying two yr old, and trying to steam clean the rug, all without getting puke on me and still trying to be loving and comforting to the baby. Oh my gosh! It was ugly.

Long story short, we dropped her off with TeenMom and went on to the party, pukeless but a little worse for wear.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Wow. Guess I'm not so blocked after all. Still blue though. Need some sunshine.

200 Things

2004-09-30T16:01:00.000-07:00

I stole this from Colleen and thought it would be something neat to do. This is a list of 200 things that could possibly be done in a lifetime. The things that have been bolded are the things I’ve experienced. See how you measure up.
Wow! 86 of them for me!

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain (the Swiss Alps count, right)
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it (in the aforementioned bath too!)
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse.
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing.
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench-pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Sword fought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on.
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place (If I had, do you think I’d really tell you???)
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach (Smashed the living shit out of one, does that count?)
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199. Written your own role playing game
200. Been arrested

Birth Quotes

2004-09-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling the need for a birth so I thought I'd share a collection of my favorite quotes, though not always pertaining to birth, they can certainly be applicable.

The experience profoundly changed my perspective. In the hospital, I hadn't perceived the anxiety and foreboding that permeated birth until I experienced the impact of its absence among the midwives. The peace, wonder, and intimacy were infinitely greater. What a compelling difference!
Heidi Rinehart, MD (as quoted in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin)

If we are to heal the planet, we must begin by healing birthing.
Agnes Sallet Von Tannenberg

If a doula were a drug, it would be unethical not to use it.
John H. Kennell, MD

It has always been easier to utilize the pain relieving discoveries of science than to investigate the complicated causes of pain. Since 1850 a hundred ways and means have been discovered to rid women of the pain that has invariable attacked them, even when they most deserved the natural joy of their supreme accomplishment.
Dr. Grantly Dick-Read, MD (1890-1959)

Attending births is like growing roses. You have to marvel at the ones that just open up and bloom at the fir st kiss of the sun but you wouldn't dream of pulling open the petals of the tightly closed buds and forcing them to blossom to your time line.
Gloria Lemay

The truth for women living in a modern world is that they must take increasing responsibility for the skills they bring into birth if they want their birth to be natural. Making choices of where and with whom to birth is not the same as bringing knowledge and skills into your birth regardless of where and with whom you birth.
Common Knowledge Trust

The best way to avoid a cesarean is to stay out of the hospital.
Brooke Sanders Purves

I think one of the best things we could do would be to help women/parents/families discover their own birth power, from within themselves. And to let them know it's always been there, they just needed to tap into it.

What's done to children, they will do to society.
Karl Menninger

There is no scientific evidence that doing over 10 percent of births with a cesarean improves the outcome for the woman or improves the outcome for the baby.
Dr. Marsden Wagner

We have a secret in our culture,
and it's not that birth is painful.
It's that women are strong.
Laura Stavoe Harm

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Unknown

The whole point of woman-centered birth is the knowledge that a woman is the birth power source. She may need, and deserve, help, but in essence, she always had, currently has, and will have the power.
Heather McCue

We cannot prepare for the future without embracing the meaning and the relevance of the baby's perspective on life.
Michel Odent, MD

Life only demands from you the strength you possess.
David Hammarskjold

Fear and faith cannot coexist and they both demand different conclusions and actions
Unknown

Epidurals rip women off of an opportunity to experience themselves as competent adults.
Margaret Egeland, CNM

Just as a woman's heart knows how and when to pump, her lungs to inhale, and her hand to pull back from fire, so she knows when and how to give birth.
Virginia Di Orio

Mothers need to know that their care and their choices won't be compromised by birth politics.
Jennifer Rosenberg

In response to "The morbidity risk in cesarean birth is nominal with little risks."
Sure there is: blood loss is 100%. Pain is 100%. Prolonged (compared to vaginal birth) disability must approach 100%. Scarring is 100%.Do you dispute that these are morbidities?
Bob Woolley

The extent and magnificence of the medical discoveries made during the last hundred years is beyond both praise and gratitude. But now that many of the troubles and dangers have been overcome, we must move on - not only to save more lives, but actually to bring happiness to replace the agony of fear. For although the consciousness of a woman's discomfort can now be dispelled, it is only at a price, for with it goes the awareness of birth and the joyful sensations and emotions that should accompany it. Now we must bring a fuller life, truer to natural law, to women.
Dr. Grantly Dick-Read, M.D.

One is constantly having to balance the high expectations of modern health care with the need to respect the human soul. This is especially so with birth.
Benig Mauger

Only with trust, faith, and support can the woman allow the birth experience to enlighten and empower her.
Claudia Lowe

Only about 15% of medical interventions are supported by solid scientific evidence...This is partly because only 1% of the studies in medical journals are scientifically sound and partly because many treatments have not been assessed at all.
Richard Smith, editor of the British Medical Journal

I'm an advocate of truly having your eyes opened and honestly appraising how much power you really have, not pretending that you will have as much power as you desire, just because you really want it. I think that's the essence of informed consent.
Gretchen Humphries

The knowledge of how to give birth without outside intervention lies deep within each woman. Successful childbirth depends on an acceptance of the process.
Suzanne Arms

The future is not something we enter. The future is something we create.
L. I. Sweet

To be ourselves causes us to be exiled by many others, and yet to comply with what others want causes us to be exiled from ourselves.
Unknown

You are a midwife, assisting at someone else's birth. Do good without show or fuss. Facilitate what is happening rather than what you think ought to be happening. If you must take the lead, lead so that the mother is helped, yet still free and in charge. When the baby is born, the mother will rightly say: "We did it ourselves!"
from The Tao Te Ching

Whenever a woman gives birth to a child,
she remembers the hard work no more,
for the joy that a child has been born into the world.
John 16:20

Reluctant doctors like to believe that they haven't much influence over their patients, but that is clearly not the case. Several studies have found that when doctors genuinely encouraged women to have VBACs, most of them did, and when they said nothing or acted neutral, most women didn't. Finally, when obstetricians discouraged VBAC in women who wanted to try it, none of them did.
Henci Goer, Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth

The effort to separate the physical experience of childbirth from the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of this event has served to disempower and violate women.
Mary Rucklos Hampton

Women's strongest feelings [in terms of their birthings], positive and negative, focus on the way they were treated by their caregivers.
Annie Kennedy & Penny Simkin

All over the world there exists in every society a small group of women who feel themselves strongly attracted to giving care to other women during pregnancy and childbirth. Failure to make use of this group of highly motivated people is regrettable and a sin against the principle of subsidiary.
Dr. Kloosterman, Chief of OB/GYN, Univ. of Amsterdam, Holland

Weekend? What weekend?

2004-09-27T11:56:00.000-07:00

Weekend is over. Where did it go? If you have taken my weekend, please send it back as I missed it very much.

Seriously, the only thing I have to show for my weekend is a new shirt and pants and the awesome memory of the DAVID SANBORN concert we went to. I sat thisclose to the stage and totally loved every second of the show! I had, literally, the best seat in the house! How awesome is that???? That is one incredible sax player! And his band? In-freakin’-credible! The bassist was totally rocking out! I just can’t go on enough about how great this concert was!

The bad part is that I spent all day Saturday waiting for the concert and all day Sunday recuperating from the night before. No, I didn’t get drunk or anything like that but I was just drained from the pure adrenaline rush that comes from being thisclose to one of your idols. (I mean seriously, how great would it be to play like Sanborn? I’ve never heard someone put so much emotion into their music.)

Okay, now I’m not one to be all spastic about celebrities and such but when he took the stage, I was totally stunned! I just sat there with my hands over my mouth (so you couldn’t see it was hanging open!) trying not to cry as he wailed away on his sax. I was BLOWN.AWAY. by his musicianship.

My only complaint? The man never opened his eyes. Okay, never may be overstating it a bit. He opened his eyes about 5 times in 1 ½ hours. That literally shut him off from his audience and limited any sort of connection with him. His band was great and made the show lively but I would have liked to have seen his eyes a little more.

Other than that, the weekend was a bust. I did laundry, I went to the mall, I made dinner, I grocery shopped. Not anything too exciting.

How was YOUR weekend?

Okay, call me a bitch but...

2004-09-24T16:54:00.000-07:00

This is sooooo lame! I read this and thought This kid has no game. He'll never see fame! His parents must be to blame. He's done too many drugs!

TOOL is COOL
tool is cool and is so cool even for school
so don't be a fool and say tool is not cool
and i would say how tool is so cool
but since there're so cool i can't be a mule
and break the rules so don't lose on a cruse
and choose tool to lose
Don't do drugs
POeM bY THeScHIsm

Where's the weekend???!

2004-09-24T16:53:00.000-07:00

Is it 5:00 yet? I know, I know, it’s 5:00 somewhere, but I’m not drinking with Alan Jackson and Jimmy Buffet, I’m waiting to leave work! I’ve worked 2 days this week and it seems like I’ve been here FOR.EVER!

Ohhhhhh…I forgot to mention: G and I are going to see David Sanborn tomorrow night at the coolest jazz club on the west coast! It is going to be so awesome! He is the best sax player and we have all of his albums. I am so jazzed about seeing him, no pun intended. Wee G is tweaked about staying home but I’m trying to get a friend of his to come spend the night so he’s not alone. We’ll see how much he complains then. Pizza and video games and movies. How can you go wrong for a 13 yr old boy?

Well, would you look at that! I’ve managed to kill enough time to push it right up to 5:00! Happy Weekend everyone!

Nyquil and other hallucinogenic drugs

2004-09-23T13:22:00.000-07:00

So, I’m back at work today. Let me just tell you that, again, I can hear my couch calling me from 15 miles away! Along with the couch, the bottle of Nyquil is mocking me. It is laughing at the fact that I cannot focus today. Note to self: Self, if you’re planning on going to work the next day, DO NOT TAKE NYQUIL the night before. And while I love the peaceful slumber this is supposed to impart, last night that did not happen.

I’m not sure what the deal was but there was no way to get any sleep. G was having trouble sleeping and that could be the problem right there. If he doesn’t sleep well, I can’t sleep well because he flips around so much.

Instead of my lovely peaceful Nyquil induced stupor, I got NOTHING, thereby leaving me drugged AND exhausted. Because I’m at work, I have to be able to concentrate and that? isn’t happening. The way I’m feeling is now known around here as The Nyquil Fog. Not the best way to start a day that will last at least 1 and maybe 2 hours longer than usual.

********************************************************

Went to Back to School Night for Wee G last night. He’s bombing a couple of classes and is getting A’s & B’s in the rest. Funny how you can be brilliant yet not pass two classes because you don’t like the subject. Darn kid! He’ll bring the grades up because he wants to go on the school sponsored trip to Washington DC. That’s a huge carrot to dangle in front of him.

********************************************************

Deconstruction of 62 years of marriage is about to begin. My grandparents’ house and belongings are going to be auctioned off shortly. It makes me glad I’m not there to witness this event. Maybe that’s why they’ve been weighing so heavily on my mind lately.

Call your grandparents!

Wednesday clouds after Tuesday sun AND A MEME!

2004-09-22T09:31:00.000-07:00

TODAY'S MEME:
Whether it be a song you sing along with out of anger, sadness, or fantasies of revenge you’d never admit, what’s your favorite break-up song?

My two favorite break-up songs are Anything for You by Gloria Estefan and I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt. Two ugly break-ups, two beautiful songs that came out at just the right time.

It was so sunny and pretty on Monday and Tuesday, but I'm sitting here at home...again...and the sky is gray and ugly. Knowing that I suffer from depressive tendencies anyway, why on earth would I move to a state that spends half the year under cloud cover and in the rain? Well, I know why...his name is Gman and he is my heart, but still...

So yesterday I posted about those stupid pears. I've decided that I'm going to call the rescue mission and see if they would be willing to have some of these things. I would be happy to donate, Wee G could earn community service for his trip to DC by picking, washing, and helping deliver them, and I would be pear free! Hooray! (how sad is it that my most pressing problem is some pears in the yard?)

Still thinking about my grandparents. Do me a favor: pick up the phone and call your grandparents. If you're close enough, go by for lunch or supper (yes, it was supper in their house, as in "Grandpa gets home from work at 4:00 and supper will be on the table at 4:15.") Don't take them for granted and don't just assume that they'll always be around. I did and now they're gone.

Wow! One day of clouds and already I'm digging through the drug cupboard for the Zoloft! It must be a new record!

Pears anyone?

2004-09-21T13:51:00.000-07:00

So I'm out in my back yard today because I? am home sick again. I've walked all around the yard and I come to the pear trees. These babies are so loaded with pears that the branches are very weighed down, some even touching the ground. Now, just what in the hell am I supposed to do with 500 lbs of pears? I've eaten all i want to eat. I've made pear sauce, I've frozen some for a pear tart later (when I'm not so sick of pears) and I've given so many away that people are sick of them at work too. It kills me to see good food go to waste, but I've had my fill.

I know, how about if you all send me your addresses and I'll ship you some, you know, like the fruit of the month club! It will be great! Right? Hello?

Okay, so not so much, but any suggestions? I'm going to can some, but how many jars of pears does one family need? If I don't get some ideas soon, y'all are getting canned pears for Christmas. (Y'all? What is that? Where am I, Texas?)

I had the same dilemma with crabapples but I didn't stress too much about that one as they're not really good for anything except crabapple jelly and who really wants that anyway? They've all come down off the tree. Wee G is happy about that as he is the designated fruit picker-upper. Soon he'll be picking up pears.

For some reason I've been having Grandparent flashbacks/yearnings lately. I miss them so much and I wouldn't want them back on this earth because it would mean they would have to suffer with horrible debilitating diseases, but if I could go back to when I was 9? before either of them got sick, before Grandpa got in his accident, I would go in a heartbeat. There was nothing like curling up on the couch next to Grandma, or helping her clean out the decorating tubes, or sampling the cake scraps to make sure they tasted okay. There was nothing greater than Grandpa giving me white tic tacs at bedtime and telling me they were sleeping pills. How about using one of Grandpa's t-shirts as a nightgown (that right there tells you how long ago these memories come from.) Grandpa always used to come home from work and set his lunchbox on the counter and pretend to be preoccupied with something. We would sneak out and dig through his box looking for leftover goodies, usually Fig Newtons. Sometimes he even had Wrigley's Spearmint gum in there. Not sure if those were planted there for us, but I wouldn't doubt it. God I miss them.

Boogers and Coughing and Tissues...Oh My!

2004-09-20T14:27:00.000-07:00

After surviving most of the weekend with two children under the age of 3, one 13 yr old all of which have colds, and 1 16 yr old, in addition to my beloved G, I have come down with the worst headcold! It's only September, people! I'm not due for a headcold until October or November. This isn't how it's done.

I thought maybe this would be a good day to pick up baby things left lying around this weekend. Ummmm...not so much. Bend over and instantly my head is filled with goop that seems to be pressing on my eyes and pushing my brain out of my head. Fun? Not so much.

Wee G is home today as well. He said his throat feels like ground meat. I'm guessing he's not feeling too bad because he's been trying to get out into the yard to play lacrosse against the garage for the last half hour and is clamoring to eat the chili I have in the crock pot. He's also eaten his body weight in Spaghetti O's, so his throat may not feel as bad as he says.

We have a meeting at the school tonight regarding Wee G's possible trip to Washington DC. I will do everything in my power to make sure he ends up going on this trip. This is a once in a lifetime kind of thing and there is nothing that compares to a class trip. It's also terrific incentive to make sure he's getting good grades because you can't go if your grades are rotten.
Last years trip was $1400. Grammy is going to sell a kidney and a retina to pay for it if she has to. She remembers with it is like to finance a school trip. She and Dad financed mine when I was in 8th grade. Wee G will get to go to Williamsburg and Jamestown. I love Williamsburg, probably because I love that era.

The search for a dog is starting to intensify. If you have any favorites, let me know as we're kind of at a standstill on the favorite breed.

Tantrums galore, and a Friday Meme!

2004-09-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

So, I've decided to sell Wee G to the gypsies. I have had it with his tantrums, I have had it with his attitude, and I am sooooo sick of the line, "What, you don't trust me??"

I know, I know, it's my rotten, attitude filled childhood coming back to haunt me. I just talked to my mom and she just laughed, so you know it's just desserts.

I'm going to have both Baby Girl and Lil Sis this weekend, too. Add a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old to the naughty 13 yr old and you have a tantrum filled festival! Should be an interesting weekend.

Did I tell you about my fantastic new purse? I don't think I did. I bragged on Amalah's site about it but I've deprived you of its gloriousness. My beloved husband purchased this delightful bag for me while he was on a business trip to Chicago. Isn't it the greatest?! And isn't my husband the best man ever?! How many women have husbands that will buy them purses, besides Amalah?

And without further ado:

Friday's Meme
1. What year was the best year of your life? 1997
2. One animal or insect that Noah should have left off the ark? Mosquitos
3. Do you make a wish before blowing out your birthday candles? Always!
4. Do you generally open your bills on the day that you receive them? Not if I can help it.
5. How many pillows are on your bed? Two King Sized.
6. Favorite ice cream flavor? Butter Pecan
7. What is the most dominate color in your wardrobe? Blue.
8. Have you ever seen a ghost? Yes, when I was little.
9. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? Carnival.
10. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Dinner.
11. Your favorite fictional animal? Unicorn, because I am a 12 yr old girl.
12. Have you ever flown first-class? Sure, when I went on that trip to Figi with Tom Cruise.
13. Would you go on a reality show? Yep.
14. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future?Always an optimist.
15. Pancakes or waffles? Pancakes.
16. If you could own a home anywhere in the world, where would it be? Tuscany
17. Your favorite Soup of the Day? Five-Star Mushroom.
18. What site is a must see for all visitors to your city? The Bridge of Glass
19. Can you recommend a good restaurant in your city? The Melting Pot or Margaret's Cafe.
20. You go to the zoo; what is the one animal that you want to see? The monkeys
21. Potatoes, rice, or pasta: which is your favorite? Potatoes.
22. What is the best movie that you've seen this year? Lost in Translation
23. One of your favorite books when you were a child? Where the Wild Things Are.
24. What in your life are you most grateful for? My husband and My son. Don't make me choose.
25. You are home alone and use the bathroom; do you close the door? Nope.
26. What is your favorite small appliance? My Kitchen Aid Mixer.
27. Salty snacks or sweet treats? Salty.
28. Are you usually a little early, a little late, or right on time? A little late.
29. What is the most daring thing that you have ever done? Got locked out of my sis-in-laws house in my short nightgown while I was house-sitting. I found a ladder in the garage, climbed up on a very sloped cedar shingled roof and pryed my way through a screen into the bedroom. It makes me sick to my stomach to even see that place now.
30. Have you ever met someone famous? President Reagan.
31. What was one of your favorite games as a child? Red Rover, Red Rover.
32. At what age have you looked your best? Nineteen.
33. One person that never fails to make you laugh? My husband.
34. What was the first music that you ever bought? Not sure but I can tell you it was a 45 and I got it at the 3-D store in Sturgis, MI.
35. If you could change one thing about your family life when you were a child, what would it be? My parents would not have fought as much as they did.
36. What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? My goulash.
37. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? The Tacoma News Tribune.
38. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them? Wow...all of my family and that's a lot!
39. Who received your first kiss? Michael Dusseau, 1983.
40. The single most important quality in a mate? Honesty.
41. What do you value most in a relationship? Honesty.
42. Do you believe that you have a soulmate? If yes, have you already met? Yes. Yes.
43. Do you consider yourself well organized? At work but not at home.
44. On average, how many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? Lots.
45. Did you ever make a prank phone call? Have you ever BEEN to a slumber party? Of course!
46. What one quality do you seek in a friend? Loyalty.
47. Have you ever killed an animal? No.
48. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? A doctor.
49. Do you believe in an afterlife? Yes.
50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? Raising Wee G to be a fine young man, become a practicing doula, retiring to a glorious house on Hood Canal.

Like a thief in the...middle of the day?

2004-09-15T15:16:00.000-07:00

You know how I was laughing yesterday because Wee G had to break in through the doggie door to unlock the deadbolt? Um…yeah, I’m not laughing today. Know why? Because someone broke into our neighbor’s house and stole heirloom jewelry, tools and their 7 year old daughter’s piggy bank filled with PENNIES.

The hard-up thieves totally kicked in the front door, shattering the door and door jam. The neighbor had gone to Costco and was gone a total of two hours. She came home and noticed her gate was open and she thought it was strange because they have a dog and never leave the gate open because the dog will go walkabout as dogs are wont to do. She went to the front door and saw that it had been kicked in and was standing open. She ran back to her car because she was afraid they would still be inside, and called the police. The police think her coming home scared the thieves away because they didn’t take the game systems or the jug full of large coins and bills that was in the family room area.

That whole laughing thing about the doggie door is now a security issue. We are going to go and get a new door tonight. G is running from window to window to make sure all of them are locked and I now feel like I’m living in a prison. We used to sleep with our window open a little. Now? it’s closed up and might as well be hermetically sealed because we’re getting NO air in there at all, which makes me feel suffocated and borderline claustrophobic on top of being freaked out about the whole break-in thing.

And how pathetic is it that they stole that little girl’s piggy bank? She’s as cute as a button with huge dark eyes and an impish little smile, but she’s also traumatized by the fact that someone trashed her room and took something that belonged to her. It just broke my heart to listen to her talking about it. People can be such idiots. Was a bank full of pennies really worth traumatizing this child?

The good that came out of this is that we got to meet the neighbors. They are funny and just as nice as nice can be. G and I both can’t believe it took us 6 weeks to introduce ourselves. That’s rather sad. Although…they never came over to introduce themselves either. Whatever.

And can I tell you how awesome my hubby is? He brought me a little souvenir from his business trip: a Coach purse! How spoiled am I? He spent entirely too much money, although I’m not complaining at all. He also brought me Frango mints and it has taken a remarkable measure of self-control to not consume them by the handfuls. Wee G is planning on having some when he gets home from school. We’ll see how much self control he can exhibit because if he eats lots of them without permission? he’s totally buying me a new box.

Tuesday’s Discourse on Crazy

2004-09-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

Yippeeeee! Gman is home! I am so happy! I curled up next to him and snuggled all night long. He had to have physical contact with me all night (which wasn’t that long because he didn’t get home until 1:00 a.m.!) It was so sweet.

I knew I missed him but I didn’t realize how much until he got home. I can’t stand to be away from him…at all. It drove me crazy to be in our room while he took a shower, it bothered me that he was in the kitchen while I was in the bathroom, and I am on the verge of nuts because he is 15 miles away from me at this very moment. I just can’t get enough of him. He thinks it’s cute right now but it will wear on him very quickly tonight.

He doesn’t understand that I’m not doing this on purpose. It’s just what my mind does. Abandon me for a week (oh the misery), live it up at jazz clubs and fancy restaurants (you lucky devil), get to know your concierge by name (was she cute?), act all happy and overjoyed to be single (minus the whole sex thing), and I tend to get a little insecure. It may not be right or normal, but normal was never part of the bargain. I never promised normal. *singing* “I beg your pardon…I never promised you a rose garden...”

Wee G got locked out of the house yesterday. When he called me I was all about leaving and letting him back in, except that he told me he had already gotten into the house. Instantly images of broken windows or ripped screens and blood flashed through my head. Nope, no such tragedy had befallen my son or my home. He got in through the doggie door. Now, keep in mind that this boy is 5’8” and probably weighs 150 lbs. There is no way he could squeeze through that little door. He slid the security panel up and stuck his head and arm in and unlocked the deadbolt. I would have given anything for a camera and a chance to take that particular picture. After I got done laughing hysterically, I made sure to ask if he put the panel back into place and if he was injured in any way. Yes, I will earn that “Crappy Mother of the Year” title if it kills me. I did make him a large stir-fry dinner with pot stickers and barbecued pork to make up for my lack of mothering skills. He was happy. That’s all that counts, right?

Monday Ranting

2004-09-13T11:04:00.000-07:00

Wow, so I'm feeling a little on the whiny side again today. I need to complain about how much my body hurts and how I wish it would warm up to at least 70 degrees today. Not gonna happen but I sure would like it to.

So Gman is still in Chicago. He’ll be home tonight, but I’m sure he’s not ready. Seems he found himself a little jazz club that he would like to live at, or at least that's how it seems when he closes out the club two nights in a row! Can you imagine? My uptight white guy husband has been hanging out in a smoky jazz club, and he HATES smoke so that tells you how much he’s enjoying the music!

Apparently, this place is just a hole-in-the-wall joint called The Back Room. He called me 4 times last night so I could listen to the music he was hearing and he even left a message on the answering machine so I could hear it. He is so happy doing stuff like that, so why don’t we do things like this here at home? I guess we do, but it’s just not the same as when you’re on vacation. He kept saying, “I wish you were here. You would love it!” And I kept saying “I know, that’s why I said I wanted to come with you. But you kept saying no!”

He calls me while he’s eating dinner with a co-worker to tell me how delicious the food is. He calls me from the top of the Sears Tower to tell me how beautiful it is. He calls me from the Chicago River to tell me how much he would enjoy spending the time with me. How sweet is that?!

It wouldn’t have worked out for me to go on this particular trip. Wee G started school on the 1st and there isn’t any place for him to stay but dang, he could have at least thought about it rather than giving an all out NO!

I sure as heck miss him. I want snuggles and to cozy up in bed and nuzzle in his fur. Ugh…tonight can’t come soon enough.

Just can’t seem to pull the funny out today. Apparently I’m still suffering from vacation withdrawal, only without the humor in it. Maybe I just need a new job.

I read The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom . . Some people talk about how moving it was. I wasn’t particularly moved, but it was thought provoking and made me think about what I was reading. It was an easy read as I read it in just a couple of hours, but not just a piece of fluff. My favorite quote from the book is this: "All ending are beginnings. We just don't know it at the time..." So true. Kind of rearranges my feelings about the deaths of my grandparents, not in a major way but a rearrangement none the less. I’ve tried to describe it three different times in words and I can’t seem to convey my feelings, so I’m just going to leave it at that. Check out the book. It’s worth the read. Maybe we can do this book for our fledgling book club.

Craziness

2004-09-12T12:53:00.000-07:00

So, apparently I was remiss in posting yesterday about 9/11. Does that mean that I wasn't affected by the whole horrifying mess? No, on the contrary. I was deeply moved by that day.

It also would have been Grandma's 80th birthday. That one is even harder to deal with than 9/11. She was my heart and the though of her not being here, not getting her new bottle perfume from Grandpa, of not having a delicious cake, of not hearing her say my name or give me her Grandma kisses cuts me to the core. I always said this would never happen. She and Grandpa would never die. They were never going to get old or have cancer or Parkinson's Disease. They were going to be here forever.

Not so much so now. I know they're waiting for me and when I get there, they'll both give me hugs and Grandpa will give me whisker kisses and hand me a tic-tac, because you know only good girls get them.

And we're off...

2004-09-11T13:09:00.000-07:00

Not a whole lot of intelligent stuff to say so I'm going to go where the mood swings me.

Feeling not so old: Went to Olive Garden with Wee G and Baby Girl last night. I'm sure the waiter was just being nice, but he carded me. I immediately blurted out "Ha! I love you!" and produced my ID stating that I was in fact 14 years beyond the legal age.

Feeling old again: Sitting at the aforementioned dinner, Wee G looks at me and says, "I hope I have a girlfriend this year." UGH! I heard gray hairs sprouting instantly and was digging for my stylists phone number.

Feeling bitchy: G is still in Chicago. He said he would call me last night and he didn't. I hate that. We talked this morning and all is well with the world, but it's still frustrating.

Feeling fat: Saw this show on MTV about plastic surgery and the two twiggy chicks that HAD to have more surgery done to their 100 lb frames. Bitches.

Crying: I read this article about Jeremy Glick written by his wife. How horrifically sad.

Wanting: I want to go to Costco and get our new phones. I also want to go to Home Depot and get paint chips for the bathroom. Does this make me old and domestic? Kinda scary. I used to be the ultimate party girl. I went out every single weekend with my friends, I played hard, I worked hard, I shopped hard. Now my weekends consist of toddlers and teenagers and Home Depot. Not a bad tradeoff but at the same time, I sure would like to experience the play hard days once in a while.

Needing: I need to go shopping for clothes for me. I have two pairs of dress pants and that's it. How can I train to do the City Council meetings when I can't dress the part?

Aching: You can tell the weather is changing because my whole body hurts. I'm tired and my head is killing me. Boy, I sure am whiny!

Researching: The best type of dog for our family. How in the world will we ever decide what kind of dog to get if I'm the only one who does any sort of research?

Closing: this post so I can get my butt in gear.

Vacation Withdrawl

2004-09-08T12:48:00.000-07:00

So, after two glorious weeks of NO WORK, I am now back at work. I am having vacation withdrawls and it is not pretty. I wanted to jump out of my skin during a staff meeting, just because I had to sit there in my work clothes (no sweatpants allowed!) and pretend like I was interested in what was being said. Very difficult when you can hear your couch calling you from 15 miles away.

We did survive the whole "Baby Girl Gets stitches" incident. Oh crap! I forgot that post didn't make it onto here because my beloved computer produced the blue screen of death before shutting down on me, for no apparent reason.

So..long story short, Baby Girl fell in an oyster bed and after much trauma (most of it MINE!) ended up with 9 beautiful stitches. And how cute is it when Baby Girl,while gazing at her knee full of stitches says in her cutest damn 2 year old voice, "Looky, I gots spiders on my owie!" Apparently the strings left on the sutures look like spider legs to her. I just wanted to pick her up and squeeze her 'til her little head popped off.

And don't even get me started on the whole limping thing. She can be running and jumping and crawling on the floor, using her owie knee, and you can say, "Baby Girl, how is your owie?" and she will instantly start limping and carrying it like she was in the most horrible pain ever. This kid needs to be in acting class. We could be rich!

Poor Wee G should really not consider a career in medicine or the emergency medical field as he cannot stand the site of blood, especially when it is gushing out of a screaming 2 year old. Poor kid was white as a sheet.

Gman is in Chicago for a week for a tool convention. I am missing him terribly and wish he would come home already. It's terrible when I have to kill my own spiders on my bedroom ceiling. That and my bed is cold 'cause he's not in it. I hate business trips. He's 1 hour from my dad and 2 hours from my mom. I hope he calls them while he's there.

Hmmm...I wonder if I can somehow make dress pants out of sweatpant material. Do they make a Lazy-boy that would fit at my desk? Just wondering...

No more potty training!!!

2004-09-03T08:53:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you about potty training. We've finally mastered that whole scene. It went fairly smoothly, the only hitch being that Baby Girl REFUSED, did I say REFUSED?, to poop in the potty for a couple of months. We finally beat that and now, where ever we go, we have to go potty: every single store, no matter how recently she just went, we have to go potty, kind of like a dog that has to mark their territory at each and every tree. And of course sometimes I need to go as well, she gets to go first, hops down, I take my turn and get a rousing round of applause and a hearty "Good Job!" and "High Five!!" for my efforts. And if I actually go Number 2? "Did you go poopy?" And not in a quiet little mousy voice, more like "DID YOU GO POOPY?" Snickers abound from neighboring stalls.

Did I mention that she has to also flush the toilet? You know how noisy those public restroom toilets are. It's more of a "flush-and-run" because those public toilets have enough suction to pull in a 98 lb person and could easily consume a 42 lb toddler. The stall door has to be unlocked and ready to open because the second the lever is pushed, Baby Girl sprints for the door. If the door is not open she will drop to the floor and try and crawl under it, and we just can't have that.

So after I picked Wee G up from school yesterday, he told me he talked to Zack. Lucky for him he wasn't ignoring Wee G. School is still hated and to top that off, there was *gasp* ACTUAL HOMEWORK yesterday. Oh, the inhumanity of it all! And not only was it HOMEWORK, it was a, dun, dun, dun, duuuuuunnnn, writing assignment! How cruel can one teacher be???! *motherly eyeroll* You wouldn't know that I love to write and have tried to instill that in my son. A writing assignment is the worst thing you could do to the kid, aside from making him take an art class or PE.

He's also tweaked about having to take Pre-Algebra over again. He just can't understand WHY they are making him do it again when he took it last year. Apparently he forgot that, due to a tremendous lack of effort, he failed the last trimester (and what is up with the whole trimester thing? Just use semesters for goodness sake!) He can't understand that they don't care how much he knows, if he doesn't prove he knows it by getting the grades, they'll assume he DOESN'T know it.

So, I'm on day 8 of my vacation and not one single box has been unpacked. BUT I have spent 3 whole days on the friggin' internet. Yesterday I bid on some lovely clothing on ebay and looked at a bunch of different blogs. As soon as I figure out how to create a blogroll, I will. I did iron a shirt and a half of hubby's. (the half is because I was going to finish ironing the second one while he grilled the chicken, but he never came home to finish the grilling until it was already done so something had to give and it was his new shirt. Hopefully the spray starch on it won't ruin it by sitting for this long.)

I have been ordered by G to unpack the boxes sitting in the kitchen. I'd love to but where the hell am I going to put all of the stuff? It would be different if we actually had a place to put things. ARGHHHH!

Word of the day: succubi as in "women who showed any inclination to actually wanting and enjoying sex were regarded as possible succubi, vessels of Satan." The formal definition from dictionary.com is "A female demon supposed to descend upon and have sexual intercourse with a man while he sleeps." This comes from an article on MSNBC entitled "Why Female Desire Still Makes Society Squirm" http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5808348/ A rather interesting read. Check it out.
Loving: Vacation time.
Hating: Liars and marital cheaters.
Reading: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers
Dreading: Returning to Work
Days left in vacation: 5 (including the rest of today)
Loathing: The piles of shit everywhere in the house.
Wanting: It to be warm enough to swim in my pool.

100 Things

2004-08-06T18:32:00.000-07:00

1. My name is zanie.
2. I love being a mom.
3. My son’s name is Wee G.
4. He’s very 15.
5. He’s my reason for living.
6. I love being a wife.
7. My hubby’s name is Gman.
8. We’ve been married for 8 years (2005.)
9. He is a serious stud muffin.
10. He is my second reason for living.
11. I have 4 step children.
12. Their names are Ravioli, Studly, Shaggy, and Stefaneezer.
13. I married their dad knowing that I was going to have the best relationship with these kids, ever!
14. I was wrong.
15. I tried to over-mother them.
16. They weren’t interested in another mother.
17. They wanted a friend.
18. I figured that out about 6 years ago and things have been fairly good since. 19. I am a doula.
20. I love being a doula.
21. I love helping women give birth.
22. I don’t get to practice being a doula too much because of my “real” job.
23. I am Nana to two little girls from my youngest client.
24. The oldest is Baby Girl and she is 4.
25. The youngest is Lil Sis and she is 2.
26. I am a packrat.
27. My worst packrat item is books.
28. I have a million books.
29. Half of them are trashy paperbacks.
30. They have no redeeming value.
31. I still can’t bear to part with them.
32. I have to because I don’t have a place to put them all.
33. I have the cutest house.
34. It is adorable!
35. I am overjoyed that my kitchen can hold 5 people comfortably without being crowded.
36. I have an apple tree in my yard.
37. Truthfully, I’m a little squeamish about eating those apples.
38. I’m afraid I’ll end up with a worm or bug.
39. I can bake great pies with those apples though.
40. My grandma was a cake decorator for almost 50 years.
41. She made the best cakes I have ever had.
42. I didn’t have a store-bought cake until I married my husband and moved a million miles from my family.
43. My poor stepkids have no clue what any cake other than grocery store cake tastes like.
44. My maternal grandma died in May 2004.
45. I miss her terribly.
46. She had Parkinson’s disease.
47. She loved me unconditionally, warts and all.
48. She taught me how to decorate.
49. I’m not very good at it.
50. My maternal grandpa died in March 2002.
51. I miss him terribly, too.
52. He had lung cancer.
53. He used to give me white tic-tacs and tell me they were sleeping pills for good girls.
54. I can’t buy a pack of tic-tacs without thinking of him.
55. I only buy white tic-tacs for myself.
56. I can’t eat a Fig Newton without thinking of him.
57. Thinking about them makes my heart hurt.
58. It also makes me want to be a better person
59. My paternal grandma died in December 2003.
60. My biggest memory of her is that her hair was bright red; she smoked, drank diet 7-up and made a mean chicken noodle casserole.
61. She had Alzheimer’s.
62. Genetically, I’m screwed because of all of the diseases in my family tree.
63. I look exactly like my mom.
64. She got remarried in 2001.
65. Her husband is only 9 years older than I am.
66. She is only 9 years older than my husband.
67. My husband is 13 years older than me.
68. My mom is 13 years older than my stepdad.
69. It’s just a weird situation.
70. My dad remarried in 2003.
71. My stepmom is two years younger than my dad.
72. Apparently they’re the normal ones.
73. I love to cook.
74. I love to cook with real butter.
75. I smother my bread slices with as much butter as I possibly can before my hubby gives me “the look.”
76. That’s just like my grandma.
77. I love mashed potatoes with lots of butter.
78. That’s just like my grandma too.
79. I only like real mashed potatoes, no boxed stuff.
80. I like to eat Spaghetti O’s with mini franks or meatballs.
81. I also like mini raviolis.
82. Have I mentioned how much I love my husband?
83. I love Google.
84. I love dogs.
85. I love cats.
86. I love babies.
87. I want to write a book.
88. I am terrified of speaking in front of groups.
89. I would rather do just about anything than speak in public.
90. I love wine.
91. I especially love white wine.
92. I like older men.
93. I dated a man that was 42 when I was 19.
94. I love my husband.
95. He was graduating from high school when I started kindergarten.
96. He makes me laugh.
97. We are a great pair.
98. I think he is my soul mate.
99. He thinks I’m crazy and that I'm his best friend.
100. I love my husband.