A Little zanie-ness

The musings of a brilliant mind (and a whole lot of day to day stuff that isn't quite so brilliant!)

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Heartache, headache, nausea a.k.a. Day 2

I don't feel good. I didn't go to work. I don't want to do anything other than sleep but I know it will make my head feel worse. I have been awake off and on since 3:30 this morning. I am exhausted. I have tons of stuff to do at work and I should be there.

I had a sausage croissant this morning for breakfast. it is now sitting in my stomach like a greasy rock, threatening to revisit me. So why do I want another? Probably because G and I are going 'round and 'round again. Let's see if I can sum this up without too many details: M is my boss and we are also very good friends. I make a very concerted effort to be an employee during the work day and not spend time talking and etc. After 5, M and I sit and talk like friends do. Last evening we talked about books, bikes, kids, airplane tickets for Wee G, and her brother in law that told his 18 yr old girlfriend to get an abortion if she wanted to stay with him.

We have been doing this for several weeks. G usually calls to see when I'm coming home. He said he tried to call the office last night and I didn't answer his call. He tried my cell and I didn't hear it ring because it was in my purse under my desk. This apparently hugely tweaked the whole distrust thing because he is now just barely civil to me, even after apologies and promises to call and let him know when I will be home and what I'm doing.

I know he's revisiting last November and I can't blame him for feeling that way but the cold-shoulder is very frustrating. I called him at work this a.m. to let him know I was staying home and it was all he could do to grunt a reply. I will not tip-toe around. I have apologized for being inconsiderate, I made a great dinner, and I've reassured him that I love him. I cannot do anything more. I am a human and I make mistakes.

The problem is that I enjoy having M as a friend but she is very much like me: on the weekends, her time belongs to her family and honestly, I feel like I'm intruding if I call and talk to her or ask her to do something. That limits the time we can spend doing friend-type things. Truthfully, I don't think G understands what a close friendship is like and he is jealous of the time I spend with M. I don't know. I just know I'm getting spanked for spending time with a friend. No, that's not true. I'm getting spanked because I repeatedly spent time with M after work and didn't let G know when I would be home.

Either way, I am tired of thinking about it. I'm going back to bed.


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